Online dating tips: Unfortunately, finding love at first sight is rare, and some people might experience a few bad dates before they meet their dream partner. Don’t be disheartened if you’re on a first date and you know the person sat opposite you is not the one. Try to make the most of the experience and learn from it. Just because you are both compatible in some things doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect for each other, and sometimes it’s best to move on to someone new. We all have to kiss a few frogs before we meet our prince or princess and you never know what’s around the corner.

One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste. (When you’re a black woman in your 40s, why do all your matches look like George Jefferson?) Hoffman says the algorithm, like a boyfriend, can’t read my mind; I need to message and “like” guys I find appealing if I want to start seeing similar people in my results. Plus, being more active should bump my profile toward the top, so I’ll be more visible.

No matter how much of an expert you’ve become at reading profiles, and no matter how well this girl or guy corresponds to your dream match, there’s still a lot you won’t be able to glean until you sit across from him or her at a coffee shop. It doesn’t matter how many delightfully winning asides he has included in profile about his cute devotion to his 96-year-old grandmother. Think her passion for hot dogs and minor league baseball suggests just the kind of chill, fun-loving girl you’ve fantasized about dating?

“I asked my friend to describe me, and here’s what he wrote…” is a cop-out. By writing this in your profile, you’re telling people that you’re not smart or self-aware enough to write it yourself. Most grown-ups have a history of exes, hang-ups and maybe a nervous breakdown or two. But never admit it to a new or potential lover. They know that you have a past, but they don’t want to hear about it. Keep schtum until you know each other better. Find more info on online dating right here.

“I think that there’s this idea that you must have a witty, thoughtful, and overall brilliant opener when you’re messaging someone first on a dating app. That’s just not true. Sure, it could be cute if you managed to find a funny way to illustrate you read their profile and share a common interest, but if you can’t do that, don’t stress. It doesn’t matter what you open with as long as you open. ‘Hey, any exciting plans this weekend?’ is something you can say to anyone. Really, it’s as simple as that.” —Zachary Zane, bisexual activist and writer.